We all have a place we call comfort zone …
Most people have different things or area to call their comfort zone…
My definition of comfort zone is very simple, the things, job or people around you that makes you feel comfortable.
Sometimes we don’t know why our guts feeling tell us why we don’t like a particular place or maybe our instinct will tell us that a person is not sincere or honest. You just know it…
Every day in our hectic life we revolve around people we care or do things for them. It’s not necessary a major task can be a gesture and etc that is an attempt to show our concern and care.
But when the strain of all these effort is making you feel very fatigued, what will you do?
Of course there will always be a reason when before something were to happen …
Numerous talks and discussions are often treated with silence and ignored.
Until the attempt became less and lesser …till it does not exist anymore.
Maybe people only tend to listen when there is a threat around?
Or they are just too plain engrossed with their daily lives activity to even listen and open up their eyes and mind.
I had enough of all this, I may still care and not completely manage to let go of it yet, as it was my comfort zone for xx years.
But the last straw was when he broke the trust ………………
20090801
20090705
Dumb judgments ……………..
I just had the privilege of hearing one of the best judgments from others recently….
Of all the things good or bad I heard in my life so far, nothing can be compared to this latest addition …
Ha ha ha WTF is wrong with these people who have a bit of knowledge in the phychological studies.
Of does having this knowledge makes them a GOD???? So they can criticize anyone who they feel they should.
For this particular person who just criticizes me …I saw her only once and had a less than 10 words of conversation with her.
WTF you know about me for you to say stuffs about me …especially not this ‘Pampered Person’.
Hello wake up and smell the air man!!This fucking word doesn’t exist in my dictionary or life.How well do you know me to say I m pampered ….???
I don’t even want to explain it to you or anyone who thinks that way, why should I be the one to enlighten you when you are so blind ….
Is it I m lucky to have some males willing to dote on me that’s considered pampered ….??
Or is it I dress a little bit and have the privilege of being attended on get on your nerves making me a pampered person in your eyes.
Fuck it la … and WTF is the meaning of saying me not listening to others.
I have my own perception and mindset. I can tell you it’s a bloody good one also, that don’t mean I’m a bitch who don’t listen to others.
I m a fucking rational person …and you can go screw yourself.
I m so disappointed with those comment …from a person with such knowledge,you sure sucks!!!
Why not you take a good look at yourself before passing comments on others ….????
Of all the things good or bad I heard in my life so far, nothing can be compared to this latest addition …
Ha ha ha WTF is wrong with these people who have a bit of knowledge in the phychological studies.
Of does having this knowledge makes them a GOD???? So they can criticize anyone who they feel they should.
For this particular person who just criticizes me …I saw her only once and had a less than 10 words of conversation with her.
WTF you know about me for you to say stuffs about me …especially not this ‘Pampered Person’.
Hello wake up and smell the air man!!This fucking word doesn’t exist in my dictionary or life.How well do you know me to say I m pampered ….???
I don’t even want to explain it to you or anyone who thinks that way, why should I be the one to enlighten you when you are so blind ….
Is it I m lucky to have some males willing to dote on me that’s considered pampered ….??
Or is it I dress a little bit and have the privilege of being attended on get on your nerves making me a pampered person in your eyes.
Fuck it la … and WTF is the meaning of saying me not listening to others.
I have my own perception and mindset. I can tell you it’s a bloody good one also, that don’t mean I’m a bitch who don’t listen to others.
I m a fucking rational person …and you can go screw yourself.
I m so disappointed with those comment …from a person with such knowledge,you sure sucks!!!
Why not you take a good look at yourself before passing comments on others ….????
Care ……..
What is our understanding of care ………
There are so many definitions for this, one of it is - to be concerned or solicitous; have thought or regard.
This is one funny emotion, which most of us will have.
The best thing is it doesn’t goes away even with any upset, hatred or hate you have. Especially when the particular someone is classified as an important person in your life.
For example our family members …it’s easy to have a disagreement with them, sometime may end up not talking to each other for many days, week or months. But this does not take away the ‘Care’ we have for them…
Some people are so weird …keep saying the care word but the action are the exact opposites.Now you tell me, how much can that person care for you or love you if he or she doesn’t even ask if you are feeling better at all knowing perfectly you are sick.
Take a good look at yourself and see if you have care for someone truthfully recently!!
Life is sure short …don’t let yourself look back with regrets later.
There are so many definitions for this, one of it is - to be concerned or solicitous; have thought or regard.
This is one funny emotion, which most of us will have.
The best thing is it doesn’t goes away even with any upset, hatred or hate you have. Especially when the particular someone is classified as an important person in your life.
For example our family members …it’s easy to have a disagreement with them, sometime may end up not talking to each other for many days, week or months. But this does not take away the ‘Care’ we have for them…
Some people are so weird …keep saying the care word but the action are the exact opposites.Now you tell me, how much can that person care for you or love you if he or she doesn’t even ask if you are feeling better at all knowing perfectly you are sick.
Take a good look at yourself and see if you have care for someone truthfully recently!!
Life is sure short …don’t let yourself look back with regrets later.
20090628
Justified Judgment …..
How does one justify a right or wrong??
To me there is no such thing as right or wrong, just how things are perceive by our mindset.Who have the right to justify how right or wrong things are?
No one I would say can justify your right or wrong , what right anyone have over what are perceive by you, and most importantly who have your thinking or mindset to tell you it’s right or wrong…anyway.
There is matter I would consider right maybe a wrong for some other …who cares, as long I can justify to myself that the things I do with my own reason ….
Why should I care how others will perceive me …
I don’t even want to explain to others why I m doing things how am I doing it? The most important why should I even explain it in the first place.
For those who matter, understand or have the same set of thinking or mindset will obviously understand and would not even bother to ask.
For those who don’t and keep on dwelling in their fairy tale castle have to really wake up and think hard !!
Do not throw accusations on people right or wrong based on your own perception…
Don’t make a dumbass or bitch out of yourself …
This will not help make things better or solve problem for any one, just shows how shallow can one be only.
Manipulating words and intuition of a female may have a bit of effect to me, but this will not work with me.
I have a stronger will and mind for that, it will only make me have only one emotion –pity!!
I have my own judgments of my right and wrong with my own way to justify it.
Don’t judge me based on your own fairy tales castle, who the hell are you to judge me???
To me there is no such thing as right or wrong, just how things are perceive by our mindset.Who have the right to justify how right or wrong things are?
No one I would say can justify your right or wrong , what right anyone have over what are perceive by you, and most importantly who have your thinking or mindset to tell you it’s right or wrong…anyway.
There is matter I would consider right maybe a wrong for some other …who cares, as long I can justify to myself that the things I do with my own reason ….
Why should I care how others will perceive me …
I don’t even want to explain to others why I m doing things how am I doing it? The most important why should I even explain it in the first place.
For those who matter, understand or have the same set of thinking or mindset will obviously understand and would not even bother to ask.
For those who don’t and keep on dwelling in their fairy tale castle have to really wake up and think hard !!
Do not throw accusations on people right or wrong based on your own perception…
Don’t make a dumbass or bitch out of yourself …
This will not help make things better or solve problem for any one, just shows how shallow can one be only.
Manipulating words and intuition of a female may have a bit of effect to me, but this will not work with me.
I have a stronger will and mind for that, it will only make me have only one emotion –pity!!
I have my own judgments of my right and wrong with my own way to justify it.
Don’t judge me based on your own fairy tales castle, who the hell are you to judge me???
Wow it’s just like Movie Scene …..
Hell Yeah…how often we encounter a situation like a movie scene…………...
Well I guess I m those lucky freaks around who have the privilege of that.
Having dinner with a close friend is so simple and natural…it doesn’t matters it’s a male of female close friend. To me it’s a normal thing to do.
As I was having a dinner with a close friend...Who happens to be a male .Everything was normal after finished with our dinner, talking or chatting seems normal. Then there was a car passes us by, my dinner mate made a remark about a little spy.
I had no idea what he was saying until he mentioned the car number; oh it’s the GF…
After about less than 10 minutes, we were thinking will she come back for a second round to see us …
Then there she was walking over to us with a hostile look in her face despite the innocent look she had.
She claimed she was hungry and wanted dinner with us; of course she doesn’t look like she wants to eat anything.More like she wanted to eat me, if she CAN...
Then the movie scene begins…..Scene 11 Take 001
She started without asking, commenting on to talk things out...Face to face.
Of course I kept quiet and both of us sort of look towards the leading male on the same table.
Then the not so lucky male have to start the bla bla bla, I feel so sad for him …caught in a sticky situation like this …we are actually on a dateline to an event.
So they began their bla bla bla, she sort of begin non-stop …were there anyone listening or giving any response she just went on and on and on all the way repeating the words again and again. Accusing me sort of being the other women….and why I send sms and being alone with him.
She have the guts to tell me, as a woman why am I doing this to her??
Well I can say I used up my hostility in the afternoon in a meeting, she is damn lucky one if not she is going to get stuff with a piece of my mind …whether she like it or not.I just kept quite as I know perfectly this was not my war …it’s his war
I could say all have gone quite well, the war sort of ended without making too much of a scene to anyone.
Gosh I feel pity for this female …if u wanted to talk at least try looking for a better location and check if the other side is listening to you and the most important thing is LISTEN to other too. Or else how the hell you can define it as Communication???
I told myself NO next time if she were to attack me in any way I will never hesitate to give her a piece of my mind…
For god sake do not come anywhere near me again…
Well I guess I m those lucky freaks around who have the privilege of that.
Having dinner with a close friend is so simple and natural…it doesn’t matters it’s a male of female close friend. To me it’s a normal thing to do.
As I was having a dinner with a close friend...Who happens to be a male .Everything was normal after finished with our dinner, talking or chatting seems normal. Then there was a car passes us by, my dinner mate made a remark about a little spy.
I had no idea what he was saying until he mentioned the car number; oh it’s the GF…
After about less than 10 minutes, we were thinking will she come back for a second round to see us …
Then there she was walking over to us with a hostile look in her face despite the innocent look she had.
She claimed she was hungry and wanted dinner with us; of course she doesn’t look like she wants to eat anything.More like she wanted to eat me, if she CAN...
Then the movie scene begins…..Scene 11 Take 001
She started without asking, commenting on to talk things out...Face to face.
Of course I kept quiet and both of us sort of look towards the leading male on the same table.
Then the not so lucky male have to start the bla bla bla, I feel so sad for him …caught in a sticky situation like this …we are actually on a dateline to an event.
So they began their bla bla bla, she sort of begin non-stop …were there anyone listening or giving any response she just went on and on and on all the way repeating the words again and again. Accusing me sort of being the other women….and why I send sms and being alone with him.
She have the guts to tell me, as a woman why am I doing this to her??
Well I can say I used up my hostility in the afternoon in a meeting, she is damn lucky one if not she is going to get stuff with a piece of my mind …whether she like it or not.I just kept quite as I know perfectly this was not my war …it’s his war
I could say all have gone quite well, the war sort of ended without making too much of a scene to anyone.
Gosh I feel pity for this female …if u wanted to talk at least try looking for a better location and check if the other side is listening to you and the most important thing is LISTEN to other too. Or else how the hell you can define it as Communication???
I told myself NO next time if she were to attack me in any way I will never hesitate to give her a piece of my mind…
For god sake do not come anywhere near me again…
20090613
“Brainwashing”
I would gladly use this term for those who like to psycho their mindset, idea or how things should be done to others.
The constant reminder and emotions blackmailing to proceed into “Brainwashing” is too many to describe, as each may use a method as it’s subjective to different perception to do it.
Depending on the level you are in ….Gosh I m starting to sound like a PS game review.
Don’t we all wish that we can do that as well, but usually we are the ones to be brainwashed most of the time.
I just experience the “Brainwashing” today.
What the heck if you want to imprint me with your brainwashing you need to do better than that …moron!! Well I m glad I m no dumb “B” with a weak mind …to be so easily manipulated by those baskets…
Times like this I really love my curse, as I m able to tell if the baskets are trying to psycho me…
Too bad for them if they can’t tell a dumb “B” to a smart “B”…really too bad for them
The cursed one will not be affected by this…only the weak willed one will submit…
The stronger your mentality you have you can easily just ignore those dumb brainwashing!!
I believe everyone has their own way or perception towards things or issue we face daily…
At least open up your eyes and heart to look into the situation before blindly perform the “brainwashing”
Sad to say I m no genius also but at least I try to judge matters or issues based on the most logical view I could.
How smart a person can be if he asks the cleaner to cook and the chef to clean??
Why not u be the judge??
The constant reminder and emotions blackmailing to proceed into “Brainwashing” is too many to describe, as each may use a method as it’s subjective to different perception to do it.
Depending on the level you are in ….Gosh I m starting to sound like a PS game review.
Don’t we all wish that we can do that as well, but usually we are the ones to be brainwashed most of the time.
I just experience the “Brainwashing” today.
What the heck if you want to imprint me with your brainwashing you need to do better than that …moron!! Well I m glad I m no dumb “B” with a weak mind …to be so easily manipulated by those baskets…
Times like this I really love my curse, as I m able to tell if the baskets are trying to psycho me…
Too bad for them if they can’t tell a dumb “B” to a smart “B”…really too bad for them
The cursed one will not be affected by this…only the weak willed one will submit…
The stronger your mentality you have you can easily just ignore those dumb brainwashing!!
I believe everyone has their own way or perception towards things or issue we face daily…
At least open up your eyes and heart to look into the situation before blindly perform the “brainwashing”
Sad to say I m no genius also but at least I try to judge matters or issues based on the most logical view I could.
How smart a person can be if he asks the cleaner to cook and the chef to clean??
Why not u be the judge??
Weakness and strength....
I m sure we all have it no matter how long or short the list will be....
This may be natural born, our upbringing...our happen with our experience...
These weaknesses may affect our life or end up making up for someone else defect in life
Can’t really justify as every case is different from the each …
For me I sort of have them combined …as my strength is also my weakness.
My need for being independent does not come …by day in fact it has been years due to the family upbringing I have, my experience in life and my personal CARE list for loved ones and family.
Things have to be done by someone, as always that person will end up being me.
I have to be strong mentality and physically at all times for the challenges life shown to me…
I suppose that’s considered strength for me …but it’s also my weakness as I don’t seem able to stop or ask for help anymore…
Whatever wall I might bang in or how many rough patches I have to walk through I just choose to do it myself…with my “Me, Myself and I” theory I created for myself a long time ago.
Of course I feel tired and there are no words to explain how I feel any more.
I guess I don’t feel so many emotions so much nowadays, I only feel pissed most of the time…
Lucky me I have the “curse”, pride , conscience and an average EQ to cover it …can’t bring myself to imagine what will I be without those.
I may end up with some sort of freaky mental sickness…..ha ha ha
What do you think about those with their strength and weakness stuck together????
This may be natural born, our upbringing...our happen with our experience...
These weaknesses may affect our life or end up making up for someone else defect in life
Can’t really justify as every case is different from the each …
For me I sort of have them combined …as my strength is also my weakness.
My need for being independent does not come …by day in fact it has been years due to the family upbringing I have, my experience in life and my personal CARE list for loved ones and family.
Things have to be done by someone, as always that person will end up being me.
I have to be strong mentality and physically at all times for the challenges life shown to me…
I suppose that’s considered strength for me …but it’s also my weakness as I don’t seem able to stop or ask for help anymore…
Whatever wall I might bang in or how many rough patches I have to walk through I just choose to do it myself…with my “Me, Myself and I” theory I created for myself a long time ago.
Of course I feel tired and there are no words to explain how I feel any more.
I guess I don’t feel so many emotions so much nowadays, I only feel pissed most of the time…
Lucky me I have the “curse”, pride , conscience and an average EQ to cover it …can’t bring myself to imagine what will I be without those.
I may end up with some sort of freaky mental sickness…..ha ha ha
What do you think about those with their strength and weakness stuck together????
20090604
Choice….
Define As :-
1. An option; a decision; an opportunity to choose or select something.
2. One selection or preference; that which is chosen or decided; the outcome of a decision.
3. Anything that can be chosen.
4. (definite: the choice): The best or most preferable part
Our choice is what our subconscious & conscious mind selected.
Whether the choice is make a realization I would say it all depends on our conscious mind and will to make it happen.
We are faced with the term “choice” daily, in almost everything whether we like it or not.
Lunch with someone you like to eat with or with a bunch of jokers, what to have for lunch or dinner is a constant choice…
In my world there is no such thing as “never a choice” to be honest …because there is always a choice ...whether you like the options or not.
Who could force you to make a choice if you wouldn’t want to make it??
If you have made a choice can you live up to it?
We may not know where the future is heading towards …but I will make a stand for it once my choice has been made, no matter how bad, how low or sucks the choice will be.
Is it called willfulness?? I don’t know honestly, I just know that I will face the consequences of my choice up front, Head ON…
Running or Dodging will not bring any solution; Face the Music …you will see a path out.Through the path to the exit there may be a bumpy road…and much unhappiness to face.Well if it is our choice then facing the choice wouldn’t be difficult right?
I have made my choice not to let my soul mate fall in …upcoming storm of EMO and depression. I will have to work harder to pull him back from the storm…
Especially dedicated to those who have the “intelligent curse”
We may not have the choice of this curse …but do you rather prefer to be the not cursed???
1. An option; a decision; an opportunity to choose or select something.
2. One selection or preference; that which is chosen or decided; the outcome of a decision.
3. Anything that can be chosen.
4. (definite: the choice): The best or most preferable part
Our choice is what our subconscious & conscious mind selected.
Whether the choice is make a realization I would say it all depends on our conscious mind and will to make it happen.
We are faced with the term “choice” daily, in almost everything whether we like it or not.
Lunch with someone you like to eat with or with a bunch of jokers, what to have for lunch or dinner is a constant choice…
In my world there is no such thing as “never a choice” to be honest …because there is always a choice ...whether you like the options or not.
Who could force you to make a choice if you wouldn’t want to make it??
If you have made a choice can you live up to it?
We may not know where the future is heading towards …but I will make a stand for it once my choice has been made, no matter how bad, how low or sucks the choice will be.
Is it called willfulness?? I don’t know honestly, I just know that I will face the consequences of my choice up front, Head ON…
Running or Dodging will not bring any solution; Face the Music …you will see a path out.Through the path to the exit there may be a bumpy road…and much unhappiness to face.Well if it is our choice then facing the choice wouldn’t be difficult right?
I have made my choice not to let my soul mate fall in …upcoming storm of EMO and depression. I will have to work harder to pull him back from the storm…
Especially dedicated to those who have the “intelligent curse”
We may not have the choice of this curse …but do you rather prefer to be the not cursed???
20090601
Sincerity ...
Defined as: The quality or state of being sincere; honesty of mind or intention; freedom from simulation, hypocrisy, disguise, or false pretense.
It doesn’t matter what you do to others or yourself, but ask yourself are you doing it sincerely from the bottom of your heart or just putting up an act out of responsibility.
To have a dinner with family and loved ones doesn’t need to be an expensive or exquisite restaurant. Just a simple home cooked meal will do just fine. It’s a matter of sincerely enjoy each other time together. Spending time together with friends or loved ones are also the same.
Would you rather have an expensive and exquisite dinner with someone whose company you don’t enjoy??
Even with my siblings, there may be different opinions and views; we may not look each other eye to eye sometimes…it happens to all.
But we know that to have a dinner with your complete family is a precious moment …the sincere happy to enjoy each other company will make us forget all our difference…and make the dinner a more memorable one.
Life is sure short, as long as your treat another person sincerely from the bottom of your heart; there are no words required. I m sure those matters will know.
Memories are what we are and make of it ……
It doesn’t matter what you do to others or yourself, but ask yourself are you doing it sincerely from the bottom of your heart or just putting up an act out of responsibility.
To have a dinner with family and loved ones doesn’t need to be an expensive or exquisite restaurant. Just a simple home cooked meal will do just fine. It’s a matter of sincerely enjoy each other time together. Spending time together with friends or loved ones are also the same.
Would you rather have an expensive and exquisite dinner with someone whose company you don’t enjoy??
Even with my siblings, there may be different opinions and views; we may not look each other eye to eye sometimes…it happens to all.
But we know that to have a dinner with your complete family is a precious moment …the sincere happy to enjoy each other company will make us forget all our difference…and make the dinner a more memorable one.
Life is sure short, as long as your treat another person sincerely from the bottom of your heart; there are no words required. I m sure those matters will know.
Memories are what we are and make of it ……
20090528
Numbness ..
Fatigue......tired just dont seems enough to describe my feeling anymore.
The extreme feeling of wanting to just give up on everything ........
I wonder why every page , topic and chapter of life is so tiring.
What is it that i tried so hard to do or achieve i don't Know any more.
Right now all I can feel is physical and mental NUMBNESS.
Savings money all donated to xxx person,new coming to be saving all spend on others most of the time.Home and family internal and external affair all taken care of ...
Work all the good , bad , the shit and the garbage is settled ..by me.
Do I look like I consume petrol or am I some sort of android or cyborg.
I may bitch about it but never ask for anything from anyone ??? Did I ever ask for anything ??
Anger have outgrown with time..the only emotions left is dissapointment and numbness.How long can I go taking care of everything and everyone...
Is it something I did in my previous life , now its coming back to me like a karma..??
Will I breakdown and go crazy??Or just choose to hibernate forever...
The extreme feeling of wanting to just give up on everything ........
I wonder why every page , topic and chapter of life is so tiring.
What is it that i tried so hard to do or achieve i don't Know any more.
Right now all I can feel is physical and mental NUMBNESS.
Savings money all donated to xxx person,new coming to be saving all spend on others most of the time.Home and family internal and external affair all taken care of ...
Work all the good , bad , the shit and the garbage is settled ..by me.
Do I look like I consume petrol or am I some sort of android or cyborg.
I may bitch about it but never ask for anything from anyone ??? Did I ever ask for anything ??
Anger have outgrown with time..the only emotions left is dissapointment and numbness.How long can I go taking care of everything and everyone...
Is it something I did in my previous life , now its coming back to me like a karma..??
Will I breakdown and go crazy??Or just choose to hibernate forever...
20090527
20090526
Personal Space...........
Personal Space..What does this word means to you??
Maybe to some people it dun really matter so much ...there may even not have such a need.
But for me , i feel that a personal space , is really important !!
This is the only time of the day or period i get to be myself and do things i enjoy.
Personal space means it's a time you a free to do anything you want from writting a blog,watch a movie, sing & dance or just anything to doing nothing.
How many hours we work our ass off in a day,week or months.We dedicate our life to the hectic schedules daily to others like our family,our boss,our friends and colleagues.
Aren't that demanding enough?? How many of your time you totally dedicate to yourself?
The personal Space act as a breathing air for me ...
It sort of balance out my life a little and helps to keep the sanity intact.
I cherish my space very much...
I dont feel anyone have any right to disturb for what ever reason.
For those who don't have the mentality to understand it...too bad!!
Don't anyone dare to interupt or intrude in my space....
To intrude into someone's personal space is down right rude and dumb.
Does it make you any happier when u intrude in someone's personal space...?
I guess it must feels like some one just read your diary ....
Does that make you happy?I honestly don't think any one can be happy from that.
"Respect in others privacy, before you ask for respect from others"
Maybe to some people it dun really matter so much ...there may even not have such a need.
But for me , i feel that a personal space , is really important !!
This is the only time of the day or period i get to be myself and do things i enjoy.
Personal space means it's a time you a free to do anything you want from writting a blog,watch a movie, sing & dance or just anything to doing nothing.
How many hours we work our ass off in a day,week or months.We dedicate our life to the hectic schedules daily to others like our family,our boss,our friends and colleagues.
Aren't that demanding enough?? How many of your time you totally dedicate to yourself?
The personal Space act as a breathing air for me ...
It sort of balance out my life a little and helps to keep the sanity intact.
I cherish my space very much...
I dont feel anyone have any right to disturb for what ever reason.
For those who don't have the mentality to understand it...too bad!!
Don't anyone dare to interupt or intrude in my space....
To intrude into someone's personal space is down right rude and dumb.
Does it make you any happier when u intrude in someone's personal space...?
I guess it must feels like some one just read your diary ....
Does that make you happy?I honestly don't think any one can be happy from that.
"Respect in others privacy, before you ask for respect from others"
20090523
Blocks of efforts
Blocks of Efforts ….
In our life ….. How many damn blocks of efforts we put in to make things work?
If all efforts are calculated in blocks, how many hundred thousand have I put in?
In fact how many I have put in …through different chapter in my life, only God and I know how many.
From beginning of our life we have started to set up our effort blocks even without realizing it.
As a baby from crawling to walking how many attempt we tried before we can move forward.
Studying as a student how many initiative and sleepless night in order to excel in our study.
From a rebellious teenage girl trying to win over mom’s approval ….on this part I would say I did fail badly. I only manage to succeed after 10 years.
I can’t remember how many drinks I took in effort to drown my sorrows for my first love...
Silly thinking back …he is not worth it at all. Luckily rebound is one of my abilities, I was sad for one day… I do feel like I am some alien like the “Vulcan” in star trek.
As a newbie in a working world …uncountable things we do to achieve what we are.
How many arguments have we outlived with our family and friends due to the time we are not able to spend with them during the stage we want to perform and outperform in our work.
How many set of strings and effort we have to hold in order for the family to be connected to each others ...
The love life part, from courting stage to being together the things that you are willing to give is uncountable …
I believe everyone has their own set of story to tell …
Who don’t in our many chapters of life?? These chapters make up for the person we are today.
No one have the right to shatter your blocks of effort in any way…
If without the efforts blocks there will be no dreams could be achieved…at least for me.
I am still trying very hard to put more effort blocks to achieve more for my life...
I don’t think I can ever stop being the perfectionist I am...
Have you put in your blocks of efforts,to make things work??For dreams to come true??
In our life ….. How many damn blocks of efforts we put in to make things work?
If all efforts are calculated in blocks, how many hundred thousand have I put in?
In fact how many I have put in …through different chapter in my life, only God and I know how many.
From beginning of our life we have started to set up our effort blocks even without realizing it.
As a baby from crawling to walking how many attempt we tried before we can move forward.
Studying as a student how many initiative and sleepless night in order to excel in our study.
From a rebellious teenage girl trying to win over mom’s approval ….on this part I would say I did fail badly. I only manage to succeed after 10 years.
I can’t remember how many drinks I took in effort to drown my sorrows for my first love...
Silly thinking back …he is not worth it at all. Luckily rebound is one of my abilities, I was sad for one day… I do feel like I am some alien like the “Vulcan” in star trek.
As a newbie in a working world …uncountable things we do to achieve what we are.
How many arguments have we outlived with our family and friends due to the time we are not able to spend with them during the stage we want to perform and outperform in our work.
How many set of strings and effort we have to hold in order for the family to be connected to each others ...
The love life part, from courting stage to being together the things that you are willing to give is uncountable …
I believe everyone has their own set of story to tell …
Who don’t in our many chapters of life?? These chapters make up for the person we are today.
No one have the right to shatter your blocks of effort in any way…
If without the efforts blocks there will be no dreams could be achieved…at least for me.
I am still trying very hard to put more effort blocks to achieve more for my life...
I don’t think I can ever stop being the perfectionist I am...
Have you put in your blocks of efforts,to make things work??For dreams to come true??
20090519
Judgement and Conscience ..
I find life is weird, always full of unexpected twist and turns ..
Even though you hate it or love it ...it still have to go ON..
The world will still turns, the responsibility on our shoulders and chest will not reduce a tiny bit.I have outgrow the upset and dissapointment feeling all these years..Most of the time i get pissed off.
Until i found out that in my (ME, MYSELF & I) life there is another person who cares...
It sound and feel very confusing ..coz for a straight forward person like me unable to find any answer.. Never expected it though from the same person
Even if i can but there is the logic, virtue &and values of me which I cant ignore as well, even though i may not be an angel.
I was thought to be responsible for the decision I make in my life, and will stick through it no matter how bad or ugly things will turn. I cant even go pass my conscience to do bad things to people.
For this decision i made ,may make the one who understand and care life's hell...
The stakes are high and the consequences are too much to even think of..for everyone’s sake.
I wish there was another better solution …but there are none...
Judgement & conscience over heart matters , will you be able to make a decision???
Even though you hate it or love it ...it still have to go ON..
The world will still turns, the responsibility on our shoulders and chest will not reduce a tiny bit.I have outgrow the upset and dissapointment feeling all these years..Most of the time i get pissed off.
Until i found out that in my (ME, MYSELF & I) life there is another person who cares...
It sound and feel very confusing ..coz for a straight forward person like me unable to find any answer.. Never expected it though from the same person
Even if i can but there is the logic, virtue &and values of me which I cant ignore as well, even though i may not be an angel.
I was thought to be responsible for the decision I make in my life, and will stick through it no matter how bad or ugly things will turn. I cant even go pass my conscience to do bad things to people.
For this decision i made ,may make the one who understand and care life's hell...
The stakes are high and the consequences are too much to even think of..for everyone’s sake.
I wish there was another better solution …but there are none...
Judgement & conscience over heart matters , will you be able to make a decision???
20090518
Ms Independent or Alpha Female ?? (2)
I m a bad person when I'm pissed off otherwise, i m considered a nice person de..
Thats just a recap in some of my not so good experience...but through out the years...i kept reminding myself i can do it, if there is no one to depend on..you have to learn to depend on yourself.
I even earned mysefl a 'Silver Medal' in FHM Flambe competition..dun think i can put the year in(reflects my age).I guess the hard work ,sleepless night and of practising did paid off well , on top of that it was my first time entering those competition.Gosh I practised so much on the Flambe until i got so sick of the Dragon fruit & starfuits...havent had it in years.
I extremely hate to go home...coz i cant stand mom nagging, until the extend that dad notice and have to slow talk me to go home.Everything I have i can proudly say i earn it with my own hands...I could say i m lucky ...after a few job hopping around i managed to earn a four figure sallary at the age of 20.From waitress to captain.
I earn my fist credit card about a year leter coz at the time unfortunately i was not in the legal age to own one. How ironic can it be, i m earning the sallary but i cant have the privelege others are enjoying..those days its CC company its strict on approval..
Did Food and Beverage for many years one of my personal target is to be at least an assitant manager by the age of 23.I did and i m actually not in western outlet anymore.In that age its not acceptable to be an AM for the chinese outlet and further more i cant speak and write a single chinese word.It took me about 2-3 months time to pick up how to write and read some neccesary words in my job.
I m proud to say i did conquered them ...with hard earned respect and also some of my temper ...hm in the chinese outlet you can either be fierce or be bullied espcially by those kitchen guys ...
What I learn all these years, if you want someone's respect you gotta have to earn it..Other than than you gotto have a storng will to suceed coz shit always happens and comes in all sizes and forms...depending on how lucky is your day...
I have become a totally diferent person from the day i move in KL.I may become a very difficult person compared to what I used to be, but I can say i have no regrets and I'm proud to say i earn it myself...
My last post held was a Restaurant Manager in KLCC, handling about 18 staffs ..with NO staff turn over,an optimum level of food cost and labour cost are maintained, one of the stongest team in the KL region and on top of all its one of the few outlets which also achieves the $$ target.
Dunno can i be classify as one of those Alpha Female or Ms Independent ..or maybe both??
Thats just a recap in some of my not so good experience...but through out the years...i kept reminding myself i can do it, if there is no one to depend on..you have to learn to depend on yourself.
I even earned mysefl a 'Silver Medal' in FHM Flambe competition..dun think i can put the year in(reflects my age).I guess the hard work ,sleepless night and of practising did paid off well , on top of that it was my first time entering those competition.Gosh I practised so much on the Flambe until i got so sick of the Dragon fruit & starfuits...havent had it in years.
I extremely hate to go home...coz i cant stand mom nagging, until the extend that dad notice and have to slow talk me to go home.Everything I have i can proudly say i earn it with my own hands...I could say i m lucky ...after a few job hopping around i managed to earn a four figure sallary at the age of 20.From waitress to captain.
I earn my fist credit card about a year leter coz at the time unfortunately i was not in the legal age to own one. How ironic can it be, i m earning the sallary but i cant have the privelege others are enjoying..those days its CC company its strict on approval..
Did Food and Beverage for many years one of my personal target is to be at least an assitant manager by the age of 23.I did and i m actually not in western outlet anymore.In that age its not acceptable to be an AM for the chinese outlet and further more i cant speak and write a single chinese word.It took me about 2-3 months time to pick up how to write and read some neccesary words in my job.
I m proud to say i did conquered them ...with hard earned respect and also some of my temper ...hm in the chinese outlet you can either be fierce or be bullied espcially by those kitchen guys ...
What I learn all these years, if you want someone's respect you gotta have to earn it..Other than than you gotto have a storng will to suceed coz shit always happens and comes in all sizes and forms...depending on how lucky is your day...
I have become a totally diferent person from the day i move in KL.I may become a very difficult person compared to what I used to be, but I can say i have no regrets and I'm proud to say i earn it myself...
My last post held was a Restaurant Manager in KLCC, handling about 18 staffs ..with NO staff turn over,an optimum level of food cost and labour cost are maintained, one of the stongest team in the KL region and on top of all its one of the few outlets which also achieves the $$ target.
Dunno can i be classify as one of those Alpha Female or Ms Independent ..or maybe both??
20090515
Ms Independent...or Alpha Female ??(1)
How do you define being independent for a girl??Simple right for a girl ..independent can mean she can support herself and can afford to buy anything she wants right??
Well sometimes in life things isnt so easy ...there is always brothers n sister in the line , family bussines not doing well , rental , basic needs like food and Gosh the list just goes on and on.............
I have learn from the first day in college that life wont be as easy as what others classmates have....
I bet if i tell you...those feeling you wont belive me!!
I come from a rural town...some may call it Kampung too. Even though my results was so..so and family background was not very well off,I am damn willful and hard headed to go againts my mom wish to just take a course on clerk or secretary ...
And off all the things i have to choose a quite hard and pricy course " Hotel Management"
Fees are steep when u dont have a well to do family to support.Unlike other classmates which there father are bankers, bussines man and etc.They have cars to drive to class, where here i am just starting to learn about what is LRT ..
To cut a long story short..dad have to dig out all savings for my study..i felt so bad that i started to look for other options to support in any way i can reduce the money spend on me.
I just could bear my mother nagging and i have a sister and 3 brothers who is still studying.
I begin my journey working every part time job my off class time i could afford to go.
The School HR was my number one spot...every Fiday till sunday i be working ..the more the hours the better for me , as it would mean more cash...Work Range from RM5.00 to RM7.50 per hour.
Until the last year of my studies ..i know i could afford to be sleeping during class anymore. I had to stop...then i found other means to cut cost ..by buying maggee in bulk or living on biscuit.
Sometimes i feel so ashamed as i wont be able to join my house mates or class mates for dinner..
Well what didnt kill you will actually make you stronger, at least it make my will stonger to make more money..
After completing my diploma studies, i took any job that offered a good pay.
My first job completely sucks ....nothing was as promised,pay was cruel the bastard italian guy who make us work like dogs..doing shifts from morning till the next day morning.You have to do everything ...and i mean everything from the bar, linen, setting cleaning and what ever to be done to make sure the restaurant can be in operations.Thats not so bad also the best was the whole time there those bastard cant talk without a Fxxk in his vocabulary.
I dont mind doing dirty jobs, as growing up with a home full of siblings ..to clean a toilet is easy job for me...until u get bitch colleague who likes to use the toilet when u just finish cleaning it..with her dumb dirty shoes.Luckily i have my chance to teach her some lesson by telling her off to please mop the floor after she come out...
Well sometimes in life things isnt so easy ...there is always brothers n sister in the line , family bussines not doing well , rental , basic needs like food and Gosh the list just goes on and on.............
I have learn from the first day in college that life wont be as easy as what others classmates have....
I bet if i tell you...those feeling you wont belive me!!
I come from a rural town...some may call it Kampung too. Even though my results was so..so and family background was not very well off,I am damn willful and hard headed to go againts my mom wish to just take a course on clerk or secretary ...
And off all the things i have to choose a quite hard and pricy course " Hotel Management"
Fees are steep when u dont have a well to do family to support.Unlike other classmates which there father are bankers, bussines man and etc.They have cars to drive to class, where here i am just starting to learn about what is LRT ..
To cut a long story short..dad have to dig out all savings for my study..i felt so bad that i started to look for other options to support in any way i can reduce the money spend on me.
I just could bear my mother nagging and i have a sister and 3 brothers who is still studying.
I begin my journey working every part time job my off class time i could afford to go.
The School HR was my number one spot...every Fiday till sunday i be working ..the more the hours the better for me , as it would mean more cash...Work Range from RM5.00 to RM7.50 per hour.
Until the last year of my studies ..i know i could afford to be sleeping during class anymore. I had to stop...then i found other means to cut cost ..by buying maggee in bulk or living on biscuit.
Sometimes i feel so ashamed as i wont be able to join my house mates or class mates for dinner..
Well what didnt kill you will actually make you stronger, at least it make my will stonger to make more money..
After completing my diploma studies, i took any job that offered a good pay.
My first job completely sucks ....nothing was as promised,pay was cruel the bastard italian guy who make us work like dogs..doing shifts from morning till the next day morning.You have to do everything ...and i mean everything from the bar, linen, setting cleaning and what ever to be done to make sure the restaurant can be in operations.Thats not so bad also the best was the whole time there those bastard cant talk without a Fxxk in his vocabulary.
I dont mind doing dirty jobs, as growing up with a home full of siblings ..to clean a toilet is easy job for me...until u get bitch colleague who likes to use the toilet when u just finish cleaning it..with her dumb dirty shoes.Luckily i have my chance to teach her some lesson by telling her off to please mop the floor after she come out...
Laziness - Passive sins
Just dunno how to react any more .........feels so emotionally and physically exhausted.
Apart from the nearly 4 hours of meeting and an earful need to do from the head of department and GM.
went for a good friend car club launching on the evening.Had a great experience at a car club first official gathering , reach home about 12am.
The first thing that greet me is "The Phone cant be ON and got problem" ....
Thats a good one , i dun even have 1 min to check on his phone ...he continues bra bra bra ...in a tone that i felt like , i have spoil his phone or made the wrong choice buying it as a gift for him.
Well..he was FB playing games when he was saying this to me, gosh since when i become a bloody technician anyway.I guess today was a no emotions day for me ...i didnt even raise my voice and took out the old phone in the drawer and pass it to him.
After all was done i took his "problem phone" to open up everything and charged it..
Left it there for about 15 mins try to ON and OFF for 2-3 times ......Damn its working again.
If my assumptions is correct, the phone batt maybe totally flat , so cant even on while its charging ..need to charge up till sufficient batt to be able to function.
He didnt even want to try again ...and ask me go check at LY.
I understand he is tired but how about me?I m seriously a human after all even though i m a freak..
Some people are just so lazy...and just do things simply...as they wish.
Cant they just give it a thought before doing something.To the extend of even boiling water also so damn lazy to pour out the cold water from the thermos,just pour in hot water and let it mix with cold water inside....
I mean whats the point of boiling the water in the first place???
Is it a curse of blessing in disguise that i am always stuck with family, people and things like this??
I think part of this things happening to me is coz i was too damn nice and independent. As always in the back of their mind i will settle and take care of all the shitty stuffs. Have anyone asked me what i want?? Cant they take care of their own matters?? Or was i too demanding to others?? I just dunno .........
Just feel so exhausted ......totally cant feel any anger at all now, dont feel like talking at all ...I just feel like wanting to fall in a deep sleep and never wake up again.
My memory and ram are coming close to "0" now ......dunno how long can i last before my EMO outbusrt..
Hope i dont do anything stupid to anyone or myself.
I will keep this blog as a reminder to myself.
Eleanor Roosevelt quotes
"So much attention is paid to the aggressive sins, such as violence and cruelty and greed with all their tragic effects, that too little attention is paid to the passive sins, such as apathy and laziness, which in the long run can have a more devastating effect.”
Apart from the nearly 4 hours of meeting and an earful need to do from the head of department and GM.
went for a good friend car club launching on the evening.Had a great experience at a car club first official gathering , reach home about 12am.
The first thing that greet me is "The Phone cant be ON and got problem" ....
Thats a good one , i dun even have 1 min to check on his phone ...he continues bra bra bra ...in a tone that i felt like , i have spoil his phone or made the wrong choice buying it as a gift for him.
Well..he was FB playing games when he was saying this to me, gosh since when i become a bloody technician anyway.I guess today was a no emotions day for me ...i didnt even raise my voice and took out the old phone in the drawer and pass it to him.
After all was done i took his "problem phone" to open up everything and charged it..
Left it there for about 15 mins try to ON and OFF for 2-3 times ......Damn its working again.
If my assumptions is correct, the phone batt maybe totally flat , so cant even on while its charging ..need to charge up till sufficient batt to be able to function.
He didnt even want to try again ...and ask me go check at LY.
I understand he is tired but how about me?I m seriously a human after all even though i m a freak..
Some people are just so lazy...and just do things simply...as they wish.
Cant they just give it a thought before doing something.To the extend of even boiling water also so damn lazy to pour out the cold water from the thermos,just pour in hot water and let it mix with cold water inside....
I mean whats the point of boiling the water in the first place???
Is it a curse of blessing in disguise that i am always stuck with family, people and things like this??
I think part of this things happening to me is coz i was too damn nice and independent. As always in the back of their mind i will settle and take care of all the shitty stuffs. Have anyone asked me what i want?? Cant they take care of their own matters?? Or was i too demanding to others?? I just dunno .........
Just feel so exhausted ......totally cant feel any anger at all now, dont feel like talking at all ...I just feel like wanting to fall in a deep sleep and never wake up again.
My memory and ram are coming close to "0" now ......dunno how long can i last before my EMO outbusrt..
Hope i dont do anything stupid to anyone or myself.
I will keep this blog as a reminder to myself.
Eleanor Roosevelt quotes
"So much attention is paid to the aggressive sins, such as violence and cruelty and greed with all their tragic effects, that too little attention is paid to the passive sins, such as apathy and laziness, which in the long run can have a more devastating effect.”
20090513
Changes
I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. People change in different stages of their life...
It may be difficult but once you take your first step towards it , it will be easy to continue onwards.
The most difficult and most important,change is learning to let go.
By letting go things that go wrong you can appreciate them more when they are right.
Sometimes good things do fall apart , but to make way for better things to fall together.
Dont you think that things happen around us for a reason too..?
Who could have thought a person full of flaws like me ..can be someone's angel.
I still find it hard to believe.................................................
It may be difficult but once you take your first step towards it , it will be easy to continue onwards.
The most difficult and most important,change is learning to let go.
By letting go things that go wrong you can appreciate them more when they are right.
Sometimes good things do fall apart , but to make way for better things to fall together.
Dont you think that things happen around us for a reason too..?
Who could have thought a person full of flaws like me ..can be someone's angel.
I still find it hard to believe.................................................
20090506
My life definitions
Life..........what is life to you? Is it a bed of rosess or a bed of thorns ..i feel that its something ever changing and we are always chasing to keep up with it like some sort of trend.
Its a strange thing as well as we work our asses off for the money to make things work..but how we usually end up working more deeply to support for the comfort we want ...not need.
Some are lucky to to have a strong body and mentality to go forward for it , but how many of us really do want to go on.
I didnt come from a family rich enough for me to not go through the hard road of working.I have been working all my life ...to make life better for myself and my family since high school days.
I can work without eating , sleeping and go on for 12 -16 hours averagely. My weight was around 45 kg (considered skinny for my height of 161cm). I ve been like that until i m working in my sleep ..to the extend like some sort of sleep walking ..and talking just like i m working.
I figure out i cant go on living a life like this anymore ..so i went to look for a job with more flexiblity.
I gathered up my courage and bought a car to go for this job. I have been in this line for more than 10 years now. Its difficult to leave your comfort zone.............I have to admit at first i was not great at all..earnings is cut down 30 -40% .Stress in new company and new skills to learn.
Now I have been in the sales line for more than 2 years now ..i have survived and doing well i would say. Still work as hard as same but in different criteria now .Doing extra for company and customers and taking their problem seriously and personally until i cant sleep at night.
Until recently one of my best mate got diagnosed as a heart patient ..he is only 30 years old.
Luckily god was kind enough not to accept him in his care yet, or i be losing a great friend n Partner in crime forever.
It really hit me hard...all this while my trying so hard to excell in anything i do , is it WORTH it??
I have fall out and lost touch with so many friends...until now it is uncountable any more..i cant remember what is joy and happiness to me anymore...i dont even have a hobby for god sake's what do i have , like and want in my LIFE??
Well although i m not a faithful supporter of any god ..but i m lucky to have my hubby and family to be there for me so far...
I m learning to take things easy ..as in life and work not all the things will go accordingly. Most of the situation happens is out of our control..why torture yourself for things you cant control.
Live life to the fullest as it is trully everchanging and short ..if we dont live it to the fullest, i think we may not have the chance to regret also.
For those of you who have second or third chance in life do live it to the fullest.
"LIve live as there is no tomorrow, Laugh as hard as you breath"
"Do as you wish as there is no room for regrets"
Its a strange thing as well as we work our asses off for the money to make things work..but how we usually end up working more deeply to support for the comfort we want ...not need.
Some are lucky to to have a strong body and mentality to go forward for it , but how many of us really do want to go on.
I didnt come from a family rich enough for me to not go through the hard road of working.I have been working all my life ...to make life better for myself and my family since high school days.
I can work without eating , sleeping and go on for 12 -16 hours averagely. My weight was around 45 kg (considered skinny for my height of 161cm). I ve been like that until i m working in my sleep ..to the extend like some sort of sleep walking ..and talking just like i m working.
I figure out i cant go on living a life like this anymore ..so i went to look for a job with more flexiblity.
I gathered up my courage and bought a car to go for this job. I have been in this line for more than 10 years now. Its difficult to leave your comfort zone.............I have to admit at first i was not great at all..earnings is cut down 30 -40% .Stress in new company and new skills to learn.
Now I have been in the sales line for more than 2 years now ..i have survived and doing well i would say. Still work as hard as same but in different criteria now .Doing extra for company and customers and taking their problem seriously and personally until i cant sleep at night.
Until recently one of my best mate got diagnosed as a heart patient ..he is only 30 years old.
Luckily god was kind enough not to accept him in his care yet, or i be losing a great friend n Partner in crime forever.
It really hit me hard...all this while my trying so hard to excell in anything i do , is it WORTH it??
I have fall out and lost touch with so many friends...until now it is uncountable any more..i cant remember what is joy and happiness to me anymore...i dont even have a hobby for god sake's what do i have , like and want in my LIFE??
Well although i m not a faithful supporter of any god ..but i m lucky to have my hubby and family to be there for me so far...
I m learning to take things easy ..as in life and work not all the things will go accordingly. Most of the situation happens is out of our control..why torture yourself for things you cant control.
Live life to the fullest as it is trully everchanging and short ..if we dont live it to the fullest, i think we may not have the chance to regret also.
For those of you who have second or third chance in life do live it to the fullest.
"LIve live as there is no tomorrow, Laugh as hard as you breath"
"Do as you wish as there is no room for regrets"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)